Post with 26 notes
I’ve heard folks talk about what they thought their future would be like, the proverbial “I never saw myself doing ____ at this age”, or “I didn’t think I’d be at this point when I was little”.
I never thought of my future when I was a kid. Oh sure, I wanted to do things, naturally. When I was in elementary school I wanted to be a baseball player (6 years of extremely poor little league performance proved that was not a viable path).
But even getting into middle and high school, I couldn’t think of what life I could live after school was done. I wanted to be a photographer for a long time during and after high school, but I never really thought of my future self, SLR in hand, shooting a winning photograph.
It was just something I enjoyed doing.
I’m not sure, but I suspect this feeds into my troubles with long term planning. I can’t imagine myself at 30, or even where I might be this time next year.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s because, at some time in my childhood, I stopped hoping for things because I didn’t want to needlessly raise my own hopes just to see them crash. I wanted that pleasant surprise of something going right despite it all.
Or perhaps I didn’t want to somehow “jinx” myself. Oh, you thought you’d be married and doing such and such with your life? Too bad you didn’t knock on wood, cuz now you’ll never get that!
I wonder.
When did I stop dreaming big things?
How do I start imagining again?
Post with 18 notes
When something weighs heavily in your chest, but not the bad things.
When all there are is butterflies.
When your mind is stuck on one thought
When you cannot effectively describe what you’re feeling…
… you should probably stop trying to effectively describe it.
