Photo with 15 notes
An equivalent pic of my car.
The single most nondescript vehicle to be found.
I love it, even though it irks me some days.
Turmoil in my heart.
As I understand it, my parents are going to default on the mortgage. They don’t have enough money to hardly buy food anymore, because dad’s business is pretty much nonexistent at this point.
As far as I can tell, he refuses to accept that his small graphic design firm has collapsed. I don’t know that he’s looking for another job at all. I’m not sure if he’s just lazy, stupid, or incapable of seeing what’s happening.
I believe my mom hates him. She won’t do anything to change the status quo either, though.
This has led me, after a summer spent trying to put things together again, to the decision to move out. Of course my mom freaked out at the idea. I have been paying the Internet bill and everybody’s phone (parents’ cells, sister’s cell, home phone, my phone), plus the odd bill here and there, like the trash and electric bills this month
How can I make them understand that the status quo is no longer acceptable?
What set me off into panic attack mode this morning was the idea of confronting my family with an ultimatum. I don’t know what happened; my body just stopped working properly with my brain.
I can count exactly three times I’ve had a major panic attack (I say major, but you guys have probably experienced worse things). The first time, I don’t recall exactly what set me to crashing, but I felt instantly overwhelmed by nothing. The second time was my first day being called back from being laid off to my last job.
I have a skill for hiding my inner dire panicking terror and just continuing working. Like yesterday morning, just kept running that floor buffer while having issues breathing.
When I leave, everyone will have to take up these bills I’m currently paying. That’s an extra $100-150 a month I already know my parents don’t have.
But I can’t stay here. The atmosphere in my house and my parents’ relationship is hurting me more than it hurts either of them. I have an extra big heart; I care about everyone and everything and trying to make it all better, and I’m less than inclined to simply leave this situation hanging, but I’m pretty sure I’ve done everything I could do to help it.
Short of telling my dad to find another job or lose the house. But then we’re back to the panic attack…
I would specifically like to shout out to the folks that reached out to me to make sure I was ok. I know you all care, but these guys took time from what they were doing to check on me. Thanks, Meghan, Lindsay, iamtheeness, Ems, Kim, Jill and Jewles.
